All I want for Christmas...

X-mas Approacheth. Where does the time go?

I finally not only got my Venom shirt that I ordered online, but I got a sexy new Viper jacket as well. It's got leather, and a bad azz Viper logo on the front left upper chest area, and a bigger one on the back. Come hither for all to see.

Me and Cass are slated to see Chronicles of Narnia this weekend. I'll let ya know what I think, but I probably don't have to tell you I'm much more psyched to see Aeon Flux. I was a big fan of the show back in the days of early morning MTV, that being said I'm almost certain the movie won't measure up to my standards. But I'd never know for sure unless I saw it, so there you have it. Speaking of movies, rented one of the most ruthless movies I've ever seen this weekend. It goes by the name of Equilibrium. If you've never heard of it I wouldn't be surprised. So far no one I've mentioned to at work has heard of it, but if you haven't seen it, go pick it up. I give it a 9.5 out of 10. Incredible plot, excellent gunplay/choreography. Good actors too. I wanna go into the plot, but I don't at the same time. I think you'd appreciate the plot a lot more anyway if you discovered it for yourself, since I'm kinda shitty at articulating those kinds of things anyway. At any rate, this movie receives the official Blazer seal of approval, go pick it up, you won't be disappointed.

More talk has been circulating around Brndo's posse of online friends about the upcoming release of Phantasy Star Universe. I've finally received word that the PS2 and PC versions will be able to play with one another on the same servers, which means only one thing for me, it's a go. Brndo intends to form a clan and everything. The time has come for me to return to the online world of Phantasy Star, monsters will be slain, weapons and items will be exchanged, allegiances and rivalries will be formed...

And I'm all outta gum.

A vain attempt was made over Thanksgiving to finally exchange that picture that Rachel developed for me. It's ridiculous how difficult it is for her and I to meet. And yet it's self explanatory. She probably really isn't trying all that hard to find time for me because her heart just isn't in it. Alas, I miss the good 'ol days now more than ever. Perhaps when she comes home for Christmas, but only god knows.

Elmin's been confusing me lately more than ever. It's really awkward for me hearing him talk about celebrities and shit as though he knows them personally. I don't really know why it makes me uncomfortable, but it does. The way he insists on talking about people that none of us have met except him, is really bizarre too. Almost every time he's opened his mouth as of late, my instincts have told me to respond with "Umm, what do you want me to say to that?" 99% of the time his topics of conversations, as well as his somewhat "out of the blue" statements are so obscure it's mind boggling. The only thing more confusing than that, is the way he insists on not moving the rest of his stuff into his room. Does he not plan to stay long? He's basically got some clothes laying on the floor, some computers laying on the floor, and an air mattress. What is he, camping? Fuck, and this kid thinks MY priorities are out of wack.

Need for Speed: Most Wanted has finally been beaten, as has Soul Calibur 3. And although it doesn't take much to beat a fighting game, I guess I was more referring to the fact that everything of importance has been unlocked. We even all have created characters for when we go on vs. mode marathons on the weekends. Still a great game series, and you can bet your ass I'm still fucking untouchable. Anyone who reads this thinks otherwise, you're welcome to step up.

Car's still lookin good, and I'm nearing ever closer to getting those new tires so I can slap on the new rims. But you guys don't need to hear any more about that.
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That about covers most of the "formalities".

Wanna hear something really hard to explain? As of the latter half of this year, I've felt as though my instincts are telling me to prepare myself. For what I'm not sure..but I keep thinking that I should be..and here's the tricky part: Training.

Why? I can't say. It's like I think I'm going to be involved in some kind of greater conflict sometime soon. And I need to be ready. But for what? And why have I never felt this way before?

My dreams have also become more erratic the past oh..I'd say month or so. And it always bothers me when that happens. Lately I've been less and less able to control them and I've been forced to dream about strange people I haven't seen in ages, people I've never seen before, people I hate and yes, especially people I love. I'm sure it'll pass in time, it usually does. But I really think I need to talk to a psychology major of some sort. Someone who's spent a long period of time studying the human psyche. I have a feeling only someone with training in this kind of thing could help me get to the root of these changes.

I haven't seen my father in almost 2 months now. I'm starting to miss him, but his changing work schedule and lack of free time for both of us is making it difficult to see him and the rest of my family for that matter. For the first time in ages I've found myself missing them as of late. I haven't even talked to them on the phone. I know why I haven't just called them, before work I've either got stuff going on, or I'm not home, and after work is after 11pm, and they're all asleep by then. I miss you guys, but I know I'll get to see you again when we get together for Christmas. I hope you're all taking care of eachother.

I spoke to my mother a week or so ago, I guess she wants to get together on Christmas Eve and I sincerely hope that's not gonna conflict with any of my Dad's plans. Nothing ruins the mood of Christmas like when those two fight over schedule times. Time will tell, but I know I don't have to worry about my mother. George is taking care of her, she's happy, and quite frankly, couldn't ask for more. That much hasn't changed.

Tis the season when my weapon practice in the backyard must come to a dormant state. There's just way too damn much snow on the ground, and it's way too damn cold. Which is really kinda depressing to think about, because it gave me time to think and clear my head. Especially in the rain. I guess I could always sit out in the snow, snow after all does provide some pretty relaxing ambience, just as long as it's not chilly and windy. I miss summer already. Am I really getting better? Well I can tell you this much: 1)My confidence in my own ability is pretty good and that IS important. 2)I've found ways here and there to apply some of the things I've learned to other areas and 3)I can tell my reflexes and balance have really improved since I've started. Alas, I fear that if I start skipping it as the cold months settle in, I'll lose my edge. But at the very least I can keep reading about it. And when it warms up and some of the snow melts I could even continue practicing my Kata's.

When I look back on a couple of my recent entries. I notice I made mention quite a few times of a "darker side" to me. Reading it now it seems kinda unnecessary to have written such things. A very important lesson that someone very special to me taught me once, is that in order for people to want to be close to me, they have to trust me. And in order to trust me, they have to know the real me, and in order to know that, they have to see the real me. And in order for them to see it, I have to be the real me, in order to show it to them.

I don't think the person who taught me that lesson knows she taught it to me. But I hope one day she finds out.

The truth of the matter is that, sure I have a little sinister side to me. Some attitude, some latent gothic-style genuine darkness. But I know, from my own intuition, and from the testimony of others, that I am infact a good person. How do I know? I could put it a couple ways. We (the guys) often refer to life as a video game RPG when we're pointing out interesting similarities between the real world, and the virtual world. And if life were a video game, then I guess you could say I've begun a quest to change my classification. From a Thief, to a Knight. Make sense? I hope so, cause I'm still figuring it out myself.

"Not all who wander are lost"
-J.R.R. Tolkien

Dangit..I was just starting to get to the good part and I'm drawing a blank. Oh well, I can just let my thoughts bleed onto another entry if I think of something else.


-Peace and Happy Holidays to any and all of my readers-